Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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