so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ok first of all what the fuck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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