I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
