Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
