I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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