is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize