and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
