Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
