i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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