You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
