im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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