I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
