I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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