I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
