people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
