He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
