I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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