dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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