rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We left the knife in your bed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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