Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
