My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
