and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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