Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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