I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
