my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
