So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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