Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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