so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i dont even know how to be here
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
