i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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