apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kissed a someone with a penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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