nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
