youre lurking in front of me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize