All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
