My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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