Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
