Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
