I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
4 words: hood of his car
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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