Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize