You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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