I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
