how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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