My Higher Power is John Stamos
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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