I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize