We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
