my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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