Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
