he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
