I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
