Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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