In the future we'll all be gay
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
