Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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