My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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