I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
