You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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