Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are the jesus of drinking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize