omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
