Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
