Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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