just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
