The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
