she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
