Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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