She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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