My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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