Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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