If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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