They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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