I didn't shave. On purpose
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
