i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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