Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
