is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
