Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize
