can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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